From One Messed Up Human To Another

The feeling is still as clear as a bell. Sitting shoulder to shoulder on hard wooden pews with hundreds of other women, laughing, crying, singing, and praying. I loved going to spiritual retreats with Christian women back in the 1980's and 90's.

I can see the big boxy jackets the women speakers wore. Padded shoulders and shiny buttons over colorful dresses and skirts. Their hair was perfect and makeup flawless. Which made sense because according to the words they were speaking into the microphone; they lived perfectly joyful and productive lives. Nearly 24/7. 

The reason they were the speakers and we were the listeners was obvious. They had it figured out and we wanted to know how to do what they did so we could do it too and be like them. We didn't resent them.....I didn't resent them...I envied them. I loved them. I loved staring at them and trying to soak in  every word spoken, every rule and tip and inspiration they happily passed on to us, the eager audience. How to live happily ever after with God, husband and family. How to be a leader in your church, school and community. 

Years later I learned that a valued speaker and leader can be strong in one area and not so strong in other areas  of their life. That it is okay to speak or write a book with authority in one thing while still struggling in other parts of daily living. The blogging world let me see inside the lives of writers who had huge followings but one suffered terribly from a fear of leaving her home. Another had such severe panic attacks that she had to hospitalized. 

All of this came back to me recently when a reader of my book looked at me in frustration and said that the book made her feel jealous and caused her to question why God does not talk to her the same way He spoke to me. 

As she shared her heart so truthfully and bravely, I did that thing you are not supposed to do. I got really excited to answer her. I was happy she did not keep this thought to herself, because it is the absolute last thing I wanted my book to do to anyone. So this way, she gave me the opportunity to banish any frustration Walking Butterfly brought to her heart. 

My answer had two parts. 1) The true stories in Walking Butterfly were spread over a span of many years. I would guess maybe thirty years. The stories in my book are highlights of my life so far. I only chose the big moments to share, the minutes when God stepped into my day and interrupted a very ordinary life. I told her that it was similar to how we all post pictures of our best moments on Facebook. We all know that there are millions of boring days in between the fun parties, outings and great meals. 

As I answered, I also thought about how the Bible is a collection of the highlights in lives of ordinary people. But I didn't voice this thought because comparing Walking Butterfly to the Bible would just be wrong! 

2) The second part of my answer was to say that God is speaking to her. He is speaking to everyone, but we tend to dismiss His voice because it is usually not a big booming crack of thunder. As I look back at my moments of hearing God, I know that I had a split second choice to either ignore the thought as coincidence or pursue it to see if it was indeed God. The times that I followed the inner tug, or surprising thought, I was rewarded with a sense of His presence and a strong hope that I was hearing from Him. 

Sometimes I simply wrote about it in my journal saying things like, "I have no idea if this thought came from you God, but if it did, thank you." And often I would get some sort of confirmation from another source that the idea was His. 

I am a writer who loves to write about the love of God. I believe it is my special message that I am meant to share. But I am also a very messed up human being. I have ridiculous fears and insecurities that shape my life in ways that embarrass me. I am not one of those perky perfect women's retreat speakers. And those amazing speakers are also messed up humans, and I am sure they admitted that as I sat on those wooden benches drinking them in. I wanted to think they were perfect, because that would mean that someday I could be perfect too. 

I used to feel unqualified to write about how much God loves us because I do not have it all together in other areas of my life. But now I know that He loves me in my mess and that frees me up to share my good news that He loves you in your mess too! How awesome is that? 

From my mess to yours,

Susie

Exactly What Every Writer Desires

I am still basking in the joy of my time spent with a dozen lovely women two days ago. Yes, a lot is happening in my home in recent days. Family stuff, both good and bad is swirling around the people that I love. But deep down there is a smile that rises whenever I think about attending my first Book Club featuring my book!! 

Since I am a nervous driver, I've been memorizing the drive from my home to the book club venue. (My husband even drove me there once so I would not be surprised by any unexpected detours.) On Saturday with a tumbling tummy of excitement, I drove slowly along the street where the book club hostess lived and tried to see the house numbers up ahead. I noticed a woman parking and I grinned when I saw Walking Butterfly in her hand as she locked her car door! I knew I had the right house!

I entered a beautiful home and was greeted warmly by several women, some seated on couches and chairs and others lingering around a dining room table covered in yummy treats and a pitcher  of  sweet tea. The women approached me and began to tell me how happy they were to meet the author of Walking Butterfly. One woman held my hands and looked into  my eyes intently and said with a smile, "I know you so well!" It made me search my mind to see if we had met before, but I had only met two of the book clubbers previously. Of course she meant that by reading my book, she felt she knew me. 

Walking into a room full of people who have read your innermost thoughts and prayers is a bit daunting, but also totally delicious. 

The sandwich on the plate I carried to a spot to sit looked wonderful, but my mouth was too dry and  nervous to really eat it, so I munched on grapes and a tiny muffin. I'd like that sandwich right now actually! The hostess told me that they like to eat and chat a while before discussing the current book so we enjoyed a time of visiting and I could see that this group of women were good friends and truly cared about one another's lives. 

Then came the questions and observations about Walking Butterfly. What motivated me to write it? How did I decide which stories from my journal to include? How can we effectively share the love of God with those who do not understand? 

Over and over they told me of certain chapters that spoke to them, and when I heard them quoting me to me, I almost cried in happiness! Laughter would break out as one woman would bring up a funny line and others would nod and add their own favorite. Amazing!

Then a question was asked that I told them I was hoping would not be asked. A gentle young woman said that she really liked the chapter about God singing over us and having a special song for each of us. She said she could not figure out the tune to the little song that I described given to me. Would I sing it for them? I told them that I do not sing well, but since my preschool class hadn't objected to my voice I would go ahead and sing it for them...and I did!! What?? Tears came to my eyes as I did it and tried to describe the wave after wave of love God has for us. Just like the never-ending waves on an ocean shore. They never ever ever stop, just come and come and come. 

It turned out to be a special moment and I am glad she asked. 

After two hours they had some book club business to do and announcements to make and again, I was impressed with these women who love their community and are finding ways to share love and acceptance with  everyone around them. Then even as I could see that it was time to wrap up, more observations and questions about my book came my way. It was like they wanted to just keep talking about Walking Butterfly and the huge love of God. 

A favorite sight was seeing so many copies of my book filled with post it notes and underlined sections with turned down pages and wrinkled covers! I meant to take more photos but we were too busy talking away, I forgot until it was time to go. So I asked a woman if I could take a pic of her book and she said that she had a lot more post it tabs on her copy but took them off before coming. Haha! Happy heart for this writer!! 

What more could an author ask for? Readers who loved her words and said that they were touched and blessed by them. I was even told by one person that the end of each chapter, called "Your Turn" was used as her devotional in the mornings. My God is exceptional and ridiculously generous to me. I know this book club was about these women and for these women, but wow, it was a glorious experience for me that I will never forget. 

Walking Butterfly Blog!!

Welcome Friends of Walking Butterfly!

My book has been out for over a year now and my heart is happy to hear of the gentle impact it is making on your lives. The other day a reader sent me a message about how much she enjoyed "opening Walking Butterfly on any page, on any day and finding treasure." Wow, loved that so much! 

Today is Wednesday June 7 and I am counting the hours until I attend my first book club featuring Walking Butterfly on Saturday June 10! I should be nervous, and that may still happen, but I am just excited to sit with a dozen readers and hear their thoughts and impressions. I will attempt to answer any questions they may have. I've been praying for them, so that may be why all I feel is love and joy to have a snack and chat with them on Saturday morning. 

I will let you all know how it went. Of course, if I freeze up and sit there like a bump on a log and stare at them for an hour, you may not be hearing from me for a while! :0 

Keep Flying!,
Susie Klein