The Fork In My Road

Have you ever looked back at your life and suddenly noticed a subtle fork in the road that you didn't even recognize at the time? A small part of me has been wondering what it might have looked like if I has chosen a different prong of the "fork". 

Tomorrow is another First Day of School for many of us. My preschool classroom is all set up for a new group of 4 year olds to arrive. My teaching partner and I are so ready! The texts have been pinging back and forth all summer and we are anxious to see if all of our fun ideas will work with this new crew. 

Tomorrow morning will be my third year back to teaching preschool since leaving it to raise my kids and join my husband in 30 years of full-time ministry life. 

I kept my hand in early education by working as a substitute teacher for three preschools in our city for a few years. But babysitting plans became too complicated and stressful, so I sadly took my name off the sub lists. 

Working with little ones has always been important to me, even in ministry life. Children's church, midweek Kids Clubs and teaching Sunday School began long before I was married and continued far into our ministry.  

And now here I am, back in a colorful classroom and wishing I had never left. My mind wonders what it could have looked like if I had stuck with it. 

There were other reasons for leaving. I suffered from severe headaches in those days and we all know that head pain and little kids are not a great combination. But still I wonder.

Could I have taught preschool while my boys were in school? Instead of being the pastor's wife who obsessed over Women's Ministry Committees, Bible Studies and making sure the Nursery Helpers were arriving on time? 

There was an optional prong to the fork that I did not even consider at the time. Could I have been the pastoral wife with another job? It actually sounds pretty nice from this end of the fork. 

I loved working with college age students for the last 10 years of our ministry and I would not trade that for anything. But even those years could have been shared with a preschool job a few days a week. 

Maybe all of these wonderings about this prong or that prong are simply a sign that the current prong is just right for right now. 

I love this preschool job so much! I am finding a great deal of fulfillment, challenge and just the right amount of tension to keep life very interesting! I get to be creative and silly and my co-workers and Director have become great and true friends. 

We are The Owl Class!

I was a caterpillar who became a butterfly and now I am an owl. Owls are known for their wisdom that comes with age, so there you go. I'm wise enough to know that looking back with regret is a lose-lose situation, so I will not do that. 

If you are a young mom who feels stuck or you find yourself wondering if putting your career aside was a mistake, I want to tell you that the fork you are balancing on right now is not permanent. 

Surprises are ahead of you. Even if you are a crazy detailed planner like me. I had no clue I would ever come back to early education as a job. For years I moved an extremely awkward file box of preschool supplies, songs and crafts from one home to the next, never wanting to let go of all that work. Finally I put it in the garbage tote one night while doing an extreme purge-cleaning. I thought that part of my life experience was over.

Surprise! Now my laptop is overflowing with all the info I need, no problem. :) 

I would not change the path I chose. The fork in my road took me to some wonderful places and I met amazing people who still mean a great deal to me. Of all the cutlery in the world, I love mine and I have no regrets. 

Susie
aka Ms Susie

I Am Still A Writer, Right?

I am still a writer. 

I will always be a writer, because I was one long before I was even brave enough to call myself one. So I am a writer, even though my posts are now more of what you see here; my classroom. I love my classroom and the little people that filter in with huge smiles and warm hugs.

My writing has been pushed aside while I try to give these kids all that I have. They keep me awake at night and my writing desk is overflowing with projects for them. 

I hope my writing life is not over. From what I have experienced in recent years, you never know what is around the corner. Life can change in a moment and the unexpected turn can be better than anything you have imagined. 

I am still a writer. I will find a way to send my little words out. I have thoughts, you guys. I do. 

Stringing words together to create a sentence still gives me great pleasure. I love the act of writing. I even enjoy editing what I have already written! The challenge to cut words, add words, clarify meaning and convey emotion is so stimulating that it becomes all consuming and time stands still. 

When I was writing my book I set my alarm to get up an hour or so earlier than usual because mornings are my most creative times. I often woke up before the alarm had to do its job. At first I resisted the early morning writing routine, even though so many writers recommended it. I was not working at the time and I knew that I had all day, every day to write my heart out. Why in the world set an alarm when it was not necessary? 

But, NEWS FLASH to my dear aspiring writer friends; Blank days in which to write can still result in a blank page. (For some people.) My empty days remained empty as I procrastinated sitting at my desk to write. It made no sense really. Why was I cleaning closets and organizing shelves when I love to write? Why did I procrastinate? 

Knowing that I had unlimited time to write a book made me lazy. I need a deadline. I require an outside motivation apparently. My outside motivation came from friends, old and new.

I have some online friends that I have never met in person. Two of them became my cheering squad to finish my book. Pam has a book in her and it sneaks out in her frequent blog posts. Her observations of nature as it surrounds her woodland home are captivating and they always gently lead the reader into a moment of marveling at the Creator of such beauty. 

Dawn is another special online writer friend who seriously nudged, pushed and badgered me into finishing my book. We talked about our book dreams over Skype and promised to ask about progress made with a specific deadline in mind. 

She asked me about my creative process and encouraged me to find the same time each day to write. I began to set my alarm and it changed everything. Both of us are now published authors with books!

The beauty of morning writing is that the guilt of not writing is taken care of for the rest of the day. I could enjoy my day knowing that I had produced some pages and will do it again the next morning. I found myself taking little notes during the day in preparation for the next morning appointment at my desk. 

I loved walking through my dark and silent house with a cup of coffee in hand, heading for my laptop. My dog Layla would pull herself awake and follow me quietly. She curled up on a chair in my office and accompanied my typing with her snores. 

I am not sure what is next for me. I am not a novel writer. My one little book is a nonfiction inspirational. So it's not like I can conjure up a new story to tell. I am waiting for a message I guess. One that only I can tell...or one that I can simply add my voice to. 

In the meantime, I will continue loving on the little people that fill my classroom with noise and silliness.   

Susie

Does Your Furniture Tell Your Story?

Do you remember when I told you about my pretty new-old table, purchased here in Texas through Craigslist? I imagined all the elegant Christmas meals around it with my family and more. Well, I probably did not really imagine the "elegant" part because we are who we are and that is not a word that has ever been associated with us. (Can you see how I tried to convey the "elegance" by adding the blurred edges to my posted photo?) 

But, I honestly did not foresee that I would be getting down on the floor to wipe peanut butter (and other assorted food items) from underneath the table top. My almost 3 yr old grandson likes to ignore that little basket of napkins for his messy fingers. He prefers the quick and easy 'scrape it under the table' style to clean his hands. 

I don't remember my boys doing this, but now I wonder what may have been hidden underneath the dining table we sold so long ago. Yikes! Elegant we are not.

Do you recall my excited posts about buying this gorgeous desk? Soon after the purchase, thanks to craigslist once again, this beauty helped me write and publish a book of which I am very proud.  

I wondered if more books might be birthed on this desktop in years to come. 

 And once again I must say that I honestly never pictured the scene you see above happening on the rich dark wood. Play-doh, children's library books, paper plates being made into a million different things, glue guns and stickers everywhere! I had no clue that I would become a preschool teacher.

I was a WRITER! In all caps! Writing is all I wanted to talk, think and write about. The publication of my one little book solidified the identity that helped me accept my new life in a new state, away from everything I knew.

But my desk today reveals my true self...for now.

I am enjoying the way our furniture can be an expression of our lives. How each hunk of wood and glue can carry history within it. That's why I love old bits of furniture so much. Don't you love how a nice antique store can take you to another era completely?

It would be great to have the history of my desk and my dining table in front of me. Where have they lived? Who sat around them to eat and to create? How many families used them, messed them up and polished them clean again?

My dining table and my desk are a picture of my true life. It is messy, creative and so so unpredictable. I love that. And THAT is extremely unpredictable, right, my old friends?

I am living in Texas. My home is noisy and messy and full of life and family. I don't know what we are having for dinner tonight. There is a trike in my entryway hall and I just bought an outfit for a baby girl online yesterday!

This uber-planner is happy. Often confused yes, but mostly happy. My pretty furniture may be peanut butter and hot glue smeared, but it is happy...I can tell.

Susie

The Teacher's Restroom - A Place For Deep Breaths and Shallow Prayers

This morning during my second week of teaching preschool this year, I found myself in the teacher's bathroom taking a deep breath and whispering a shallow prayer.

  

All is going well, and I love my kids and the job. But it is exhausting, draining and challenging on a daily basis. My co-teacher and I have 18 four-year-old's who are adorable and ridiculously funny!  And as busy as  4-year-olds ought to be.

My bathroom quickie prayer often sounds like this, "Father, help! Help me relax, help me look into their eyes, help me let go of my agenda and be ready for what they need right now. Thanks! Love you."

  

Sometimes it is more like this, "God, HELP!" 

Shallow, but real. 

And maybe that kind of prayer is not so shallow after all. When I am grabbing my minutes of quiet in the middle of a noisy and active day, it is best if I steer my mind and thoughts toward God. If I do not think of asking for His help, I tend to be hard on myself or others and I berate myself and them for not being perfect.

  

When I send God my 911....SOS....Bat Signal, it brings my heart back to where it needs to be. Calling out to God invites Him into those deep breathes and makes them much more helpful and beneficial.

  

A deep breath is only as good as what you are inviting in with that breath. It is calming and centering and relaxing. But we can also turn right around and walk back into frustration and tension faster than we can snap that bathroom light off. Ask me how I know. 

Maybe I should make a pretty poster for the teacher's bathroom that reminds us to take a deep breath and say a shallow prayer.

  

Do you think this idea can apply to your day too? Your office breakroom, your car between clients, your bathroom while hiding from the kids?

  

We all walk around in a busy and noisy world, whether online or outside our homes. It is easy to keep carrying around the frustrations and grievances that we bump into all day. The bumps and bruises add up and we end our day stooped over with the weight of it all.

  

Do you think that ducking into a nearby bathroom, closet (well no, that could be embarrassing) or breakroom for a deep breath and a shallow prayer could make a difference? It sounds too simple really.

  

But sometimes simple works. 

Susie 

Just Wanted to Impress the Pinterest Moms

I am two days away from facing a room full of eighteen 4 year olds! Eighteen 4 year olds! Four is a delightful, chatty and busy age, they were my favorite age to work with years ago before my own kids arrived. And now, here I am again, teaching preschool!

This last week we had our Open House. My first time to meet the kids and THE PARENTS. I have decided that the real reason for Open House is so that after the high tension of a classroom full of student's multiple family members, the idea of just facing the kids sounds wonderful and easy.

So anyway, I wanted to surprise the kids (and impress the grown-ups) at Open House with "Magical Play-doh." You hide colored dough inside a ball of white dough so that it just looks like white play-doh. I made a cute sign that said it was magical and if their play-doh changed color it would mean they were going to have a great year in our class. 

As you can see I worked very hard on this little project and they looked so cute. Those young Pinterest mommies would be so impressed with the new teacher! 

With heart pounding and bags packed I kissed Hubby good-bye and headed off to the school for Open House night. I parked and grabbed my purse, cup and .......THE BAG! My truck cab is tiny, but I still sat there looking and looking, trying to figure out why my bag of school supplies was not in front of my eyes. 

Thankfully I live very close to the school so I raced my truck back to my street and there was my bag on its side in my driveway. I had set it down to unlock my door, got other stuff inside, then hopped up and drove away. Right OVER my bag! 

My sweet little play-doh balls were smashed. No longer snowy white but blueish white and no longer very magical at all. I drove back to the school upset and shaking and trying not to lose it completely. 

Came across these tonight as I cleaned out my school bag. Sad huh?

I managed to reshape them a bit but they did not impress anyone, but the kids still enjoyed squishing them into a pretty blue color. 

As evidence of my anxiety about Open House Night; I was more upset about my smashed play-doh balls then the fact that my iPad was also in that bag and it came so VERY close to being a crunched device. But it was fine, not a dent. My priorities  were seriously messed up. 

Last year was a crazy and challenging year as I worked with two year olds. I loved them and cherished some exuberant hugs in the hallway outside my classroom the other night from last years students. The 4 year old class is a whole new ballgame and I am excited, scared and thrilled to get started. 

My class has, get this... 13 girls and 5 boys. Pray for me, OK? 

I will keep you posted.