Does Your Furniture Tell Your Story?

Do you remember when I told you about my pretty new-old table, purchased here in Texas through Craigslist? I imagined all the elegant Christmas meals around it with my family and more. Well, I probably did not really imagine the "elegant" part because we are who we are and that is not a word that has ever been associated with us. (Can you see how I tried to convey the "elegance" by adding the blurred edges to my posted photo?) 

But, I honestly did not foresee that I would be getting down on the floor to wipe peanut butter (and other assorted food items) from underneath the table top. My almost 3 yr old grandson likes to ignore that little basket of napkins for his messy fingers. He prefers the quick and easy 'scrape it under the table' style to clean his hands. 

I don't remember my boys doing this, but now I wonder what may have been hidden underneath the dining table we sold so long ago. Yikes! Elegant we are not.

Do you recall my excited posts about buying this gorgeous desk? Soon after the purchase, thanks to craigslist once again, this beauty helped me write and publish a book of which I am very proud.  

I wondered if more books might be birthed on this desktop in years to come. 

 And once again I must say that I honestly never pictured the scene you see above happening on the rich dark wood. Play-doh, children's library books, paper plates being made into a million different things, glue guns and stickers everywhere! I had no clue that I would become a preschool teacher.

I was a WRITER! In all caps! Writing is all I wanted to talk, think and write about. The publication of my one little book solidified the identity that helped me accept my new life in a new state, away from everything I knew.

But my desk today reveals my true self...for now.

I am enjoying the way our furniture can be an expression of our lives. How each hunk of wood and glue can carry history within it. That's why I love old bits of furniture so much. Don't you love how a nice antique store can take you to another era completely?

It would be great to have the history of my desk and my dining table in front of me. Where have they lived? Who sat around them to eat and to create? How many families used them, messed them up and polished them clean again?

My dining table and my desk are a picture of my true life. It is messy, creative and so so unpredictable. I love that. And THAT is extremely unpredictable, right, my old friends?

I am living in Texas. My home is noisy and messy and full of life and family. I don't know what we are having for dinner tonight. There is a trike in my entryway hall and I just bought an outfit for a baby girl online yesterday!

This uber-planner is happy. Often confused yes, but mostly happy. My pretty furniture may be peanut butter and hot glue smeared, but it is happy...I can tell.

Susie

The Teacher's Restroom - A Place For Deep Breaths and Shallow Prayers

This morning during my second week of teaching preschool this year, I found myself in the teacher's bathroom taking a deep breath and whispering a shallow prayer.

  

All is going well, and I love my kids and the job. But it is exhausting, draining and challenging on a daily basis. My co-teacher and I have 18 four-year-old's who are adorable and ridiculously funny!  And as busy as  4-year-olds ought to be.

My bathroom quickie prayer often sounds like this, "Father, help! Help me relax, help me look into their eyes, help me let go of my agenda and be ready for what they need right now. Thanks! Love you."

  

Sometimes it is more like this, "God, HELP!" 

Shallow, but real. 

And maybe that kind of prayer is not so shallow after all. When I am grabbing my minutes of quiet in the middle of a noisy and active day, it is best if I steer my mind and thoughts toward God. If I do not think of asking for His help, I tend to be hard on myself or others and I berate myself and them for not being perfect.

  

When I send God my 911....SOS....Bat Signal, it brings my heart back to where it needs to be. Calling out to God invites Him into those deep breathes and makes them much more helpful and beneficial.

  

A deep breath is only as good as what you are inviting in with that breath. It is calming and centering and relaxing. But we can also turn right around and walk back into frustration and tension faster than we can snap that bathroom light off. Ask me how I know. 

Maybe I should make a pretty poster for the teacher's bathroom that reminds us to take a deep breath and say a shallow prayer.

  

Do you think this idea can apply to your day too? Your office breakroom, your car between clients, your bathroom while hiding from the kids?

  

We all walk around in a busy and noisy world, whether online or outside our homes. It is easy to keep carrying around the frustrations and grievances that we bump into all day. The bumps and bruises add up and we end our day stooped over with the weight of it all.

  

Do you think that ducking into a nearby bathroom, closet (well no, that could be embarrassing) or breakroom for a deep breath and a shallow prayer could make a difference? It sounds too simple really.

  

But sometimes simple works. 

Susie 

Just Wanted to Impress the Pinterest Moms

I am two days away from facing a room full of eighteen 4 year olds! Eighteen 4 year olds! Four is a delightful, chatty and busy age, they were my favorite age to work with years ago before my own kids arrived. And now, here I am again, teaching preschool!

This last week we had our Open House. My first time to meet the kids and THE PARENTS. I have decided that the real reason for Open House is so that after the high tension of a classroom full of student's multiple family members, the idea of just facing the kids sounds wonderful and easy.

So anyway, I wanted to surprise the kids (and impress the grown-ups) at Open House with "Magical Play-doh." You hide colored dough inside a ball of white dough so that it just looks like white play-doh. I made a cute sign that said it was magical and if their play-doh changed color it would mean they were going to have a great year in our class. 

As you can see I worked very hard on this little project and they looked so cute. Those young Pinterest mommies would be so impressed with the new teacher! 

With heart pounding and bags packed I kissed Hubby good-bye and headed off to the school for Open House night. I parked and grabbed my purse, cup and .......THE BAG! My truck cab is tiny, but I still sat there looking and looking, trying to figure out why my bag of school supplies was not in front of my eyes. 

Thankfully I live very close to the school so I raced my truck back to my street and there was my bag on its side in my driveway. I had set it down to unlock my door, got other stuff inside, then hopped up and drove away. Right OVER my bag! 

My sweet little play-doh balls were smashed. No longer snowy white but blueish white and no longer very magical at all. I drove back to the school upset and shaking and trying not to lose it completely. 

Came across these tonight as I cleaned out my school bag. Sad huh?

I managed to reshape them a bit but they did not impress anyone, but the kids still enjoyed squishing them into a pretty blue color. 

As evidence of my anxiety about Open House Night; I was more upset about my smashed play-doh balls then the fact that my iPad was also in that bag and it came so VERY close to being a crunched device. But it was fine, not a dent. My priorities  were seriously messed up. 

Last year was a crazy and challenging year as I worked with two year olds. I loved them and cherished some exuberant hugs in the hallway outside my classroom the other night from last years students. The 4 year old class is a whole new ballgame and I am excited, scared and thrilled to get started. 

My class has, get this... 13 girls and 5 boys. Pray for me, OK? 

I will keep you posted. 

Now I Know My ABCs...

Have you ever tried to hang the ABCs on a wall perfectly straight?
Probably going to bug me all year.

                  I have spent the last 3 and a half days in my new preschool classroom. The thoughts and emotions hopped around between the following:

• Happy
• Overwhelmed
• Scared
• Giddy
• Thankful
• Overwhelmed
• Ready to back out
• Excited
• Confident

Did I mention overwhelmed?

Last year I re-entered the preschool classroom after 30 years in full-time ministry. Before my own kids were born I taught 3 and 4 year olds for a few years. The class I worked/played with last year were 2 year olds, so I spent the whole year reorganizing my expectations and learning how to communicate with mostly nonverbal little people. 

This September I have been moved all the way up to the oldest kids in our school. The 4 year olds! Talk about verbal! I am thrilled and overwhelmed at this huge change. 

I am still somewhat amazed that this circle has come back around for me. I never expected it. During the majority of my ministry years along side my husband as we pastored churches, I was passionately involved in children's work of one kind or another. I love being around little ones because they are funny and creative and just so...fresh! 

Still I never planned to go back to the preschool classroom. But here I am!

This sixth decade of life has brought many surprises. Our second grandchild is on the way, arriving a few weeks after this new teaching job begins. I cannot begin to tell you how thankful I am for both. Both are bringing joy, excitement and challenge. 

I have found that I need all three of those desperately in my life. After completing and releasing my book in February of 2016, I no longer had a goal to work toward. I had no job, not many friends in this new state and very little challenge or excitement. Every day was the same as the one before. 

It was horrible. 

Then this job opportunity popped up literally right here in my own neighborhood! And even though I'd never planned to teach preschool again, I knew I wanted it!

And just like that my life was turned upside down with joy, excitement and challenge. Something as little as a two-days-a-week job has given me a bunch of delightful new friends, some spending money and a challenging learning curve for my brain and body. 

So here we go again. Preparing for a classroom full of chatty, inquisitive 4 - 5 year old people. I want to be a teacher that they remember for years to come as loving, kind and fun. I want to be the teacher who will listen with joy to their long convoluted stories, the one who sees the story in their drawings and the message in their scribbles. 

I can do this.

But I still feel overwhelmed!

Susie

From One Messed Up Human To Another

The feeling is still as clear as a bell. Sitting shoulder to shoulder on hard wooden pews with hundreds of other women, laughing, crying, singing, and praying. I loved going to spiritual retreats with Christian women back in the 1980's and 90's.

I can see the big boxy jackets the women speakers wore. Padded shoulders and shiny buttons over colorful dresses and skirts. Their hair was perfect and makeup flawless. Which made sense because according to the words they were speaking into the microphone; they lived perfectly joyful and productive lives. Nearly 24/7. 

The reason they were the speakers and we were the listeners was obvious. They had it figured out and we wanted to know how to do what they did so we could do it too and be like them. We didn't resent them.....I didn't resent them...I envied them. I loved them. I loved staring at them and trying to soak in  every word spoken, every rule and tip and inspiration they happily passed on to us, the eager audience. How to live happily ever after with God, husband and family. How to be a leader in your church, school and community. 

Years later I learned that a valued speaker and leader can be strong in one area and not so strong in other areas  of their life. That it is okay to speak or write a book with authority in one thing while still struggling in other parts of daily living. The blogging world let me see inside the lives of writers who had huge followings but one suffered terribly from a fear of leaving her home. Another had such severe panic attacks that she had to hospitalized. 

All of this came back to me recently when a reader of my book looked at me in frustration and said that the book made her feel jealous and caused her to question why God does not talk to her the same way He spoke to me. 

As she shared her heart so truthfully and bravely, I did that thing you are not supposed to do. I got really excited to answer her. I was happy she did not keep this thought to herself, because it is the absolute last thing I wanted my book to do to anyone. So this way, she gave me the opportunity to banish any frustration Walking Butterfly brought to her heart. 

My answer had two parts. 1) The true stories in Walking Butterfly were spread over a span of many years. I would guess maybe thirty years. The stories in my book are highlights of my life so far. I only chose the big moments to share, the minutes when God stepped into my day and interrupted a very ordinary life. I told her that it was similar to how we all post pictures of our best moments on Facebook. We all know that there are millions of boring days in between the fun parties, outings and great meals. 

As I answered, I also thought about how the Bible is a collection of the highlights in lives of ordinary people. But I didn't voice this thought because comparing Walking Butterfly to the Bible would just be wrong! 

2) The second part of my answer was to say that God is speaking to her. He is speaking to everyone, but we tend to dismiss His voice because it is usually not a big booming crack of thunder. As I look back at my moments of hearing God, I know that I had a split second choice to either ignore the thought as coincidence or pursue it to see if it was indeed God. The times that I followed the inner tug, or surprising thought, I was rewarded with a sense of His presence and a strong hope that I was hearing from Him. 

Sometimes I simply wrote about it in my journal saying things like, "I have no idea if this thought came from you God, but if it did, thank you." And often I would get some sort of confirmation from another source that the idea was His. 

I am a writer who loves to write about the love of God. I believe it is my special message that I am meant to share. But I am also a very messed up human being. I have ridiculous fears and insecurities that shape my life in ways that embarrass me. I am not one of those perky perfect women's retreat speakers. And those amazing speakers are also messed up humans, and I am sure they admitted that as I sat on those wooden benches drinking them in. I wanted to think they were perfect, because that would mean that someday I could be perfect too. 

I used to feel unqualified to write about how much God loves us because I do not have it all together in other areas of my life. But now I know that He loves me in my mess and that frees me up to share my good news that He loves you in your mess too! How awesome is that? 

From my mess to yours,

Susie

Exactly What Every Writer Desires

I am still basking in the joy of my time spent with a dozen lovely women two days ago. Yes, a lot is happening in my home in recent days. Family stuff, both good and bad is swirling around the people that I love. But deep down there is a smile that rises whenever I think about attending my first Book Club featuring my book!! 

Since I am a nervous driver, I've been memorizing the drive from my home to the book club venue. (My husband even drove me there once so I would not be surprised by any unexpected detours.) On Saturday with a tumbling tummy of excitement, I drove slowly along the street where the book club hostess lived and tried to see the house numbers up ahead. I noticed a woman parking and I grinned when I saw Walking Butterfly in her hand as she locked her car door! I knew I had the right house!

I entered a beautiful home and was greeted warmly by several women, some seated on couches and chairs and others lingering around a dining room table covered in yummy treats and a pitcher  of  sweet tea. The women approached me and began to tell me how happy they were to meet the author of Walking Butterfly. One woman held my hands and looked into  my eyes intently and said with a smile, "I know you so well!" It made me search my mind to see if we had met before, but I had only met two of the book clubbers previously. Of course she meant that by reading my book, she felt she knew me. 

Walking into a room full of people who have read your innermost thoughts and prayers is a bit daunting, but also totally delicious. 

The sandwich on the plate I carried to a spot to sit looked wonderful, but my mouth was too dry and  nervous to really eat it, so I munched on grapes and a tiny muffin. I'd like that sandwich right now actually! The hostess told me that they like to eat and chat a while before discussing the current book so we enjoyed a time of visiting and I could see that this group of women were good friends and truly cared about one another's lives. 

Then came the questions and observations about Walking Butterfly. What motivated me to write it? How did I decide which stories from my journal to include? How can we effectively share the love of God with those who do not understand? 

Over and over they told me of certain chapters that spoke to them, and when I heard them quoting me to me, I almost cried in happiness! Laughter would break out as one woman would bring up a funny line and others would nod and add their own favorite. Amazing!

Then a question was asked that I told them I was hoping would not be asked. A gentle young woman said that she really liked the chapter about God singing over us and having a special song for each of us. She said she could not figure out the tune to the little song that I described given to me. Would I sing it for them? I told them that I do not sing well, but since my preschool class hadn't objected to my voice I would go ahead and sing it for them...and I did!! What?? Tears came to my eyes as I did it and tried to describe the wave after wave of love God has for us. Just like the never-ending waves on an ocean shore. They never ever ever stop, just come and come and come. 

It turned out to be a special moment and I am glad she asked. 

After two hours they had some book club business to do and announcements to make and again, I was impressed with these women who love their community and are finding ways to share love and acceptance with  everyone around them. Then even as I could see that it was time to wrap up, more observations and questions about my book came my way. It was like they wanted to just keep talking about Walking Butterfly and the huge love of God. 

A favorite sight was seeing so many copies of my book filled with post it notes and underlined sections with turned down pages and wrinkled covers! I meant to take more photos but we were too busy talking away, I forgot until it was time to go. So I asked a woman if I could take a pic of her book and she said that she had a lot more post it tabs on her copy but took them off before coming. Haha! Happy heart for this writer!! 

What more could an author ask for? Readers who loved her words and said that they were touched and blessed by them. I was even told by one person that the end of each chapter, called "Your Turn" was used as her devotional in the mornings. My God is exceptional and ridiculously generous to me. I know this book club was about these women and for these women, but wow, it was a glorious experience for me that I will never forget. 

Walking Butterfly Blog!!

Welcome Friends of Walking Butterfly!

My book has been out for over a year now and my heart is happy to hear of the gentle impact it is making on your lives. The other day a reader sent me a message about how much she enjoyed "opening Walking Butterfly on any page, on any day and finding treasure." Wow, loved that so much! 

Today is Wednesday June 7 and I am counting the hours until I attend my first book club featuring Walking Butterfly on Saturday June 10! I should be nervous, and that may still happen, but I am just excited to sit with a dozen readers and hear their thoughts and impressions. I will attempt to answer any questions they may have. I've been praying for them, so that may be why all I feel is love and joy to have a snack and chat with them on Saturday morning. 

I will let you all know how it went. Of course, if I freeze up and sit there like a bump on a log and stare at them for an hour, you may not be hearing from me for a while! :0 

Keep Flying!,
Susie Klein